the past

I don’t really know why I’m writing this considering I was glad to hear this god forsaken app got taken down. Maybe I just need closure from the incident that still haunts me 5-6 years later. When I think back to it, I realize how stupid it all was. But I guess that doesn’t rid the animosity that still clings to me after being backstabbed by people who I called my friends, and in the end had an entire community call me the bad guy, refusing to listen to my side of the story. It hurts, being a kid and having to carry that with you into adulthood. Though, I suppose it’s done me wonders both good and bad. I’ve learned to only trust those who I know would stay by my side. Communication is vital and any sort of lying or deception to hurt others is not a lie to cross. Unfortunately it makes opening up and letting people in that more difficult. You realize how horrible the human race is after a traumatic event like losing all your friends because you realized they never liked you in the first place and were all liars. I tell myself every so often karma will come for those who deserve it.

To be honest, it wasn’t even about losing my friends that makes me this resentful. It was having everyone point their fingers at me and say they were disappointed in me when I was just someone stuck in the crossfire and trying to make the right decision. Sure I may have made a mistake, but I fixed what damage had been done in the short period and apologized. Though, compared to what the entire situation was about, what I did was nothing. I was sadly just used as the scapegoat because my error was public while everything else was behind closed doors. And no one wanted to hear me out after that.

I was only 17. I wouldn’t have called myself a child but I was young, easily influenced, emotional. But my reasons for doing things were all in good faith. I was just pushed past my breaking point. Sometimes I wish I could go back in time and tell everyone the truth, not to put myself as the real victim, but because they should hear it and not the lies spread by the ones who did me dirty. Looking back, this would’ve been a really great villain arc for me. But I was the bigger person and left everything instead and moved on with my life.

Anyway if you’ve read this far which you didn’t need to at all, congrats. I have no idea if this will get taken down but part of me wants to see if people I knew will see this and know what I’m talking about. And just maybe finally hear me out. Highly doubt it though. And since the tiniest part of me wants to be petty, I will be name dropping the community since it’s all gone anyway ✌️. 💎Yaoi💎