boyfriend nearly saw

hey guys, i relapsed today after a really really long time. i had a history of sh before my current boyfriend and he knows bec he saw the scars. it shook him up quite a bit and plus i haven't felt the need to do it since until today. this month has been horrible for me on all levels and i just couldn't take it anymore so I did it. my boyfriend saw some fresh sc@rs when i sat down and my shorts rode up. i managed to convince him they aren't fresh and just healing scars that turned red, he seemed to be somewhat convinced. i can't tell him i relapsed bec ik what this sort of thing does to ones partner. ive been on the other end too and i just can't do this to him. if he starts shing it will actually destroy me. the urge is now stronger but i also need to hide this stuff from him to keep him safe. i hate myself so much right now.