Last night I lost a friend of 11 years.

As of late I’ve been dealing with bouts of depression and sometimes I admit I can be a little needy. My only close friends are all online because after high school I moved out of my hometown. I did my best to be there for all my friends for their lowest lows and highest highs. I liked making them happy and I even financially supported some in their tough times. In August of last year I lost my job and it’s only been downhill from there. I haven’t been able to go out and enjoy myself as much especially because of the economy. I’ve dealt with so many ghost jobs I’m numb. Back to the point even during this time where I didn’t have a job I helped this friend by giving them my old phone and paying for their taxes. I even gave them one of my dog’s baby’s a while back before I moved away. I was there for every vent, every tough day, for their biggest achievements. They even had a mental break and it shattered a close friend group I had of 3 (them included). At some point it felt like I was the only one putting any effort to keep up with them. They got annoyed and asked me to stop texting as much it was maybe 3 times a day because we both like fighting games and I’d share news of all kinds. I told them if we have issues I wanna work them out I don’t wanna be cut off out of nowhere. They told me it was fine. After they finally got a romantic parent the distance felt like it worsened. They stop venting to me and they stop telling me what was wrong most of the time. Due the compounding isolation of being somewhere I don’t wanna be along with one my closest friends being distant I got desperate. I’m ashamed to admit but that I tried sexting with people for free and someone tried to blackmail me. I called my friend in panic telling them I don’t know how they got all my info off of just nudes (later found out how). I told them I’d call them back and that I need to file a report. About 45 minutes later while feeling extremely nauseous and anxious I get a text. They told me I’m an “energy vampire” and “that they’re not gonna waste the effort to save me when I willing throw myself to the wolves anyway”. I never had a history of this or past behavior of this kind. In less than 24 hours I’ve been the victim of sextortion and my ex best friend of 11 years abandoned me. They blocked me on everything and I never even got to say goodbye or sorry. This is the worst pain I have ever felt in my life. The two things I take joy out of this is that I still have a best friend one from college who even after hearing this news stands by me. As well the fact that despite this immense pain I don’t feel suicidal. Previous to this I have lost another close friend who also used and abandoned me. In my 25 years those have been the only two people to do this to me and it makes me question everything. Sorry for the short novel but I just had to get this off my chest. I just couldn’t keep it in and I’m already considering therapy for when I start working again.