r/AITAH My husband is not talking to me after a decision I made at work without consulting with him first (long post but desperate for advice)

My husband and I are in our 40’s and have a newish company together. My family adores him and so do I, and I always feel like if I bring up issues between us to my family they will think “less of him” and that would bother me as he is a great man, husband, friend and father, and that’s how I end up here!

A couple of months ago one of his older clients, and mother to a gentleman TOM, also now his client, passed away. My husband has gained Tom’s trust and build a business/ friendship relationship.

Tom knew my husband appreciated his mom and asked my husband if he knew anyone who could host a memorial at his home. My husband asked me and I and both decided to do it together as we both appreciate tom and all the work he has given us.

Wednesday came around and he said to Tom that we’d be happy to help him with the memorial and would gladly host the gathering. Tom then said he wanted us as guests and not workers, he would prefer someone else to host.

I thought of a few people but also knew that it was of last minute and the memorial being scheduled for that Saturday. Oc no one was available and one canceled on Friday morning.

My husband has a daughter in her twenties that is going through a breakup. She recently moved into a new apartment and asked my husband to help her move that weekend. He works a lot but said he would help her since he has trailer and can pack everything in 1 trip. The day of the move came and she started calling early in the morning. He said “no, I will come later on in the early afternoon”, she got upset and told him to forget it. He tried calling her many times and texting and she’s not responding. That happened about a month ago.

He keeps saying his daughter is mad and does not wanna talk to him. So, this is where things get tricky:

On Friday morning, when I couldn’t find anyone to cover, I contacted his daughter since she now has a bigger rent to pay on her own. She said she had previously made plans for that Saturday but she could really use the money so she asked to give her about 30 min and she’d let me know. I said they needed two people, so even if she couldn’t to please ask a friend she trusted to help with this “job”.

I thought I was doing everyone a favor, my husband is a very busy person and I didn’t see the need to call for all these changes until I had a solid solution. While doing all of this, he called (Friday evening) and said Tom wanted the “hosts” to do a walk thru to be instructed of the job for the next morning. I happily told him I had contacted his daughter and she’d said yes and would come with a friend…

I was not expecting his reaction AT ALL!! As soon as he heard me say her name, he flipped on me and asked why her & he didn’t want to ask her any favors. I explained that I didn’t think it was a favor since she and her friend were getting paid, and I assured him I would completely handle her so he wouldn’t have to interact with her if that’s what he wants.

He kept going on about me making a decision without consulting him and then… it hit me. I said wait a minute, I thought you said she had a problem with you but it sounds more like you have a problem with your own daughter. He flipped, again, and said something that I never thought I would hear from him. He said “it’s so difficult to work with you…” I then responded that I was trying to solve something Tim had put on his hands and I thought I had done a good thing. He told me to stay out of it and I hung up (I was about to cry).

I went to the meeting with my stepdaughter’s friend and everything went well. The next day we hosted a beautiful memorial and people were thanking us most of the day. His daughter cancelled that morning so I thought “o great, he’ll feel better when I tell him”, but to everybody’s surprise, my husband never showed up to the memorial. He didn’t call, he left the house in the morning before I woke up but I assumed I would see him there. Tom asked me several times if he was coming but I ran out excuses. I texted him a couple of times but he never replied.

His location pointed him at a job site with another client…

Fast forward to today, Friday, it’s been a week since he said a word to me. He started sleeping in a different room of the house. He does not acknowledge I’m there and passes me without a word. Our 8 year old daughter is in the dark as well since he has only talked to her a couple of times since then.

Last night I was in the tv room and he sat in the leaving room next door. I texted him and said “are you ready to talk or not yet?” His response “talk about what?” And I got up and went to sleep… I don’t know what to do next or what to say. I feel like I’m in a long pause and don’t know what’s gonna happen next, or when.

So, AITA for asking his daughter and her friend to host for the client without consulting with him first?

PS- our company does not host, I just thought it would be nice to help out client and friend.