AITAH for refusing to help out my mother because she said I should “get over” my rape?

Hello! I [F22] guess I should preface this by saying that I’ve had a strained relationship with my parents (specifically, my mother) since I was a little girl. I was emotionally and sometimes financially abused, was told to not take my psychiatric medication (I’m bipolar), and I have memories of her using the silent treatment to punish me and me sliding notes underneath her doors because I was so afraid of speaking to her and hearing her snap. I finally moved out a few months ago (albeit only 15 minutes away) and though the transition to independence has been difficult, I’m doing better than I was when I was living with my parents.

I used to be an acting student. I was almost 4 years into an acting degree. Less than 2 years ago, I was raped by my then-boyfriend. I was advised by several people I confided in to take emergency contraceptive to avoid an unwanted pregnancy. Shortly after this happened, I stopped pursuing theater and moved back home with my parents. Acting requires being extremely comfortable with your body, and we are always encouraged to “get out of our heads and into our bodies”. As you can imagine, this became very hard for me after being assaulted, and I recently made the decision to stop acting altogether. My rape didn’t just throw off my chances of a potential pregnancy, it threw off my academic and professional career.

A few months ago, my mom told me that she was raped when she was a little girl. She told me that her best friend told her she deserved it, words that she never forgot. This gave me the courage to confide in her about my own rape, and it was a great bonding experience for both of us. At least, I thought it was.

My mom calls me sometimes. Because of our relationship, sometimes I dread it, sometimes it’s welcomed. The conversation turned sour at some point, going something like this:

Mom: Why are you so directionless and lost? Why don’t you know what you want to do with your life?

OP: Well, that kinda happened after I was raped…

Mom: You need to overcome it and get over it already.

OP: It just happened.

Mom: Why were you even with him in the first place?

I don’t really remember what happened after that, because my heart sank to my asshole. I quickly hung up after that and sobbed for an hour. It still brings me to tears to write this and I’m so happy I had therapy the day after it happened. I didn’t speak to her for a couple of days after that, but I had agreed to babysit my youngest sister (she is disabled and requires a guardian) so she called and texted me earlier asking if I could still help her out. I usually don’t need my mom to gaslight me into thinking the things she says and does are OK because I gaslight myself enough, but hearing your own mother tell you to “get over” your rape felt like a slap of reality that yes, it is truly as bad as it seems. I know she has endured sexual trauma and the words she’s telling me are probably words that she repeats to herself in order to survive, but I’m tired of making excuses for her. I pretended that I got sick with COVID and couldn’t come over to help. My parents were angry and disappointed, but I still feel very hurt by what my mother said to me. I feel like a very guilty asshole and I know this only drives a wedge further between us, but on the other hand, I’m reading “I’m Glad My Mom Died” and I came across this quote that I really relate to:

“I’m so unimpressed by people. Even irritated by them. At times even disgusted by them. I don’t know exactly when this happened, but I know it’s a relatively recent switch… underneath that anxiety is a deep, unearthed combination of feelings that I fear to face. I fear that I’m bitter. I’m too young to be bitter. Especially as a result of a life that people supposedly envy. And I fear that I resent my mother. The person I have lived for. My idol. My role model. My one true love.”

So, AITAH for going back on a favor? And probably more favors in the future? Thanks!