OCD ruined my relationship and I’m not sure how to navigate this

My bf and I were so in love when we met I never knew I could love and be loved by someone this much. My SO OCD ROCD and BDD got bad pretty early into the relationship but it was more focused on me and how I felt. I’d often ask him a ton of questions related to my bdd like how do I look do you actually think I’m attractive to the point of exhausting him or ask about his type or compare myself to his celebrity crushes. And I’d ask the same thing over and over that he began to feel like I was accusing him of things but really I was just caught in an obsessional loop. He’d then want space and I got so anxious that it meant he didn’t love me (which isn’t true) and I’d ask him for reassurance and tell him I needed more time with him because of my needs because we started spending less and less time but I guess I didn’t understand that he just needed time to recover form burnout. I spent months on treatment and working on not asking questions but over time it got worse every time I’d have a bad day even if it became farther between. Even if I was sad and didn’t ask anything, he’d be drained. Fast forward to now I he slip ups a few times a month where I’ll just get so anxious and ask like 10 questions in a row and overwhelm him and he’ll get upset with me. 3 months ago he said he was uncertain I was the love of his life because of how exhausted he became. He want things to work out but he needs me to be okay. But now his feelings seem like they’re literally nothing, he doesn’t seem that phased at the thought of losing me and we are getting more and more distant. I just had an abortion and even me crying over that friend him. Even me just saying I’m sad because of my ocd drains him. Now he doesn’t even want to cuddle and I just feel rejected every single day. Things were hard to manage before but I got help but boy are the hard now. We live together and knowing that I ruined everything and that he doesn’t see me as the love of his life is devastating. I had to hold my breath if I feel like crying or else he will sigh and want to get away from me and become more and more drained. He gets drained if I simply say I’m heartbroken and that we should be focusing on the present but how do I mange my ocd at the same time with this rejection and pain? He tells me that I shouldn’t let my feelings rule my life but sometimes I feel things and work through them, the feelings won’t just disappear. I now am not sure of this is even a hard situation to be put through, that I’m just mentally ill and these rejections shouldn’t hurt me, I should just be okay. He was the love of my life and I worry I will regret my ocd on this relationship forever. I feel absolutely broken and like I can’t be myself, like I’m not safe here anymore. I know it’s all my fault and I ruined things but I feel like I need some security to work on being okay :( I know I should feel secure in myself but it’s so hard to be that way and grow in this situation. I’m feeling empty and I need help, therapy isn’t working, idk if this is just a hopeless situation. I wish I met him later in life and knew wha I know now. I’ve taken accountability for my actions constantly. I’m always apologizing, I know I’m in the wrong, right now I can’t ask for needs because he has nothing left. When I ask him he can’t tell me why he loves or appreciates me. I make him homemade gifts I make him food if he’s not feeling good I’ll ask him if he needs anything I’ll give him a massage. He struggles w money but I his support him no matter what. I’ve never asked him for money. I don’t know what else I can do. I feel unbelievably depressed and I need support.