I feel numb and stuck even though life is “getting better”

I’m 27F, married (husband 36M), with a toddler, living in Southern California. I feel like I’ve lost myself and don’t know how to get back.

About a year ago, my husband got into stocks/options and ended up losing everything. I later found out he had taken out 3 loans ($20–25k each) without telling me to try to make it back, and lost that too. We’re now around $100k in debt. The money hurts, but the lying and broken trust hurt more.

Things fell apart after that. We moved in with his parents, but it became a toxic and unsafe environment. I left with my child and stayed with a church elder at the back of their house for 2 months, then lived in a hotel for about a month. It was one of the hardest times of my life.

We got back together in January and are trying to rebuild. We have a plan to pay off debt in about 2 years. My husband recently got a new job making $75/hr, and after a couple of months he’s expected to get a raise to about double that plus commission. Even with that, anything related to money still triggers me. He also commutes 1 hour each way and talks about moving closer and to a better school district (Costa Mesa/Irvine), but those conversations feel overwhelming.

To be fair, aside from the financial situation, he is supportive and encourages me, even telling me I could stay home because he sees how stressed I am. But I still feel stuck in what happened.

On top of that, I moved to the U.S. 5 years ago and I’m waiting for my citizenship. I lost my grandma 2 years ago and my grandpa 1 year ago—they raised me—and I couldn’t go to their funerals, which I still feel a lot of guilt about.

I have a history of depression and I’m in therapy, but it’s not helping much. I also have endometriosis, so I feel physically and mentally exhausted all the time.

I don’t enjoy things anymore. I feel numb, tired, and easily irritated—little things make me angry and I hate that. My toddler has been really challenging lately, and I feel drained. I love her, but some days I feel like I have nothing left to give.

I’m also really anxious about her starting school. I’m a preschool teacher and I see how kids can be, and it scares me. I’ve even thought about homeschooling.

Work is honestly the only place I feel a bit better—just seeing my students helps. But once I’m alone, the emptiness comes back.

We’re trying to move forward, but I feel stuck.

Has anyone felt like this and gotten better? How do you rebuild trust and feel joy again?

I don’t know what to do ….