starting over

The worst part about it all is the future we imagined gone. I’m having such a hard time coping with it. I spent 3 years truly believing he would be my husband, genuinely my life partner in everything we would do. I was so sure, it all felt so real.

I know the future of marriage, children, the perfect home and growing in our careers isn’t gone. It just isn’t with him and that’s what’s killing me. I didn’t care how hard I had to fight, I’d go through hell and back just to see his face, just to be with him. It hurts to know someday some woman will have all of him without even having to fight half as hard as I did only to not end up staying together.

I feel so hurt. I genuinely never want to experience this type of pain in my life ever again. I don’t want to love again, I don’t believe the whole concept to be true. How could I open up my heart again? I’m so scared to be so vulnerable. I don’t know when I’ll be ready to ever do this with someone new or have the future I want. Some days I just think about giving that dream up completely if it protects my peace.