Suicide and faith

I'm 24 years old, and I've destroyed my soul. Addictions, vices, and zero virtues have led me to believe that it would be the right thing to leave this earth. Obviously the church teaches that it's wrong, but I think I know myself very well and think that's what I deserve. I destroyed my relationship for nothing, and now I'm empty, angry, and anxious. Even when I repent or go to confession I can only stay out of sin for a short time. Knowing that you're worse than Judas is a feeling I wouldn't wish on anyone.