I (27F) might need to walk away from an old friend (28M) in order to get back my relationship.

Hi, I would really appreciate some advice, as truthful and honest as possible.

I (27F) have a friend (28M) of 10 years. I had a crush on him in the past, suppressed it, talked less and moved on but eventually our friendship went back to normal. I have a deep deep bond and platonic love for this friend.

I was in a relationship with a man from my masters program (25M). However, my friend came back into my life after 2 years of no contact (life drifted us apart, nothing bad happened), and upon rekindling the friendship I realized he treats me in the way that I’ve been asking for and hoping from my ex. Mostly by spending more platonic time together calling, playing games, asking me more in depth questions about myself and life in general, being interested in my hobbies and artistic endeavors wanting to learn about it deeply.

Out of immense guilt because I kept comparing the two, I broke up with my Bf of one and a half years. He accepted it and said that he will wait for me (I told him he shouldn’t do that but he was stubborn).

However I do still love my Ex, I broke up with him because I felt aweful for comparing them in my head and feel like he deserves better. But relationships are about communicating, growth and patience and maybe I just haven’t given him enough time to actually show up in the ways that I want after communicating.

I love my friend but it’s never been more than platonic, he’s just a wonderful and really caring friend. We could be more, rarely I think about it, but I’m just as happy with him as a friend and he’s never expressed any romantic feelings either. I feel like our bond goes beyond the need of it being romantic.

My ex is the first time I’ve ever seen a future with someone. I’ve never wanted kids until I met him. He’s so sweet and he has his flaws for sure but we’re all working on growing. And we can be together but I’m scared that it has to come at the sacrifice of my friendship. I don’t want to cut off my friend.

Can anyone give me advice on how to suppress these comparisons and feelings?