My P1S must be a lemon

Let me preface this by saying that I am a high school teacher trying to figure out how to get this thing working for my class. Nothing has worked right.

1. It came with the SD card jammed in it. I had to replace the card reader because they wouldn't cover it by warranty.

2. I cannot, for the life of me, get the dang thing to bind.

3. The firmware reads 00.00.00.00. I can't update it because I can't get it to bind.

4. When I try to bind it, it says my device is invalid.

5. The device won't acknowledge the AMS.

6. I try to print off the SD Card, but after the nozzle moves for a minute, nothing happens.

Help!