Keep telling myself it's okay that I'm done.

I have been miserable. I'm in counseling and on meds for anxiety and depression. The depression had really become a thing for me this year , and it's so frustrating because I'm not sure there's any other profession with this much GUILT. I've been at my breaking point for weeks and finally took last week off. I have plenty of sick days and have tenure. Any beyond 10 consecutive days, and you have to put in a leave of absence request and/ or FMLA, but my counselor is working on it. I want to put in my leave, use my days, and be done with the school year. Go in one quiet afternoon, and take my stuff home. Its what I want. But the GUILT. It sucks. I am thinking about going back Monday, but not because I actually want to....because it hard, but because some kids were great, because its hard when people ask questions...because guilt.

I know I've got to put myself first. And YET. Its hard to shake. I'm also not resigning yet because ideally I will have something else lined up first before the end of July.

I used to love this job, now it feels like trying to get out of a cult or an abusive relationship. Its just a job, y'all. This is so unhealthy.