I created this title because

What would the wind name me?

10,000 stars for every grain of sand on earth, and that many more planets. And yet there are more atoms in two teaspoons of water than all of the stars and planets combined. It is easy then, to figure that…to look inside oneself is the answer. Indeed many have come to the same conclusion and expounded thought about the good and the bad and the duty and morality. They have expanded on the answer. But the real mystery lies in the question. What is the question? What allows all that, lie beneath all the rest? What has caused all that? We have given it many different names. The Big Bang, the fables the Greeks, the Egyptians, Christ, Muhammed, God. But I don’t want to do that. It feels unjust. It feels discontent. The answer is within. It is the light it is the principal and the reason. But these too, all fall short. Marcus Aurelius calls it the nature and the universe of one and its components and are one and the same. But this too. I propose that it is not a duality. It is not the good in the evil, the big and the small, the fulfilled life of perfect action and reflection, even perfection in imperfection and perfection in wrong choices, and the learning and the togetherness and the wholeness, and the life of despair, the life of evil for the tarnishing of the soul, and for the pleasure of it, and for achieving ones ends, and quietly soaking in bile with pleasure or with pain in secrecy or for all to bare witness in fear or courage. I imagine those last few sentences are likely as annoying to you as they are to me. Philosophers and Stoics and thought provoking humans that decide it’s their turn to write some shit down; for what? They all just play thesaurus, hold a mirror to themselves- and whisper on to the ears delight. But I do not find it delightful. I mean, I do sometimes. Rise and fall. In then out. A rainbows peak disturbed only by its terminal ends; like flat hands, smooshed piously in prayer. Like isomers, happy; content to look across from one another and bathe in the sameness. It’s insanity really. These are the people that we write essays about in literature classes and even of the scientist who dares move on. Insanity as one of the apparent great ones said. What was I talking about? I can’t remember the question. That is the problem. I’m sure I knew the question at some point. I had to have known or else it would not bug me as much as it does. That is the feeling at the core. We all have that feeling. When you know that you knew something… even something mundane in fact, especially something mundane.. and you just can’t quite remember what it is that you’re trying to remember. Or like this song or seen in a movie that you can almost hear or see, but it doesn’t even quite ring a bell.. you’re not quite sure that you would know, for sure, it was the one of which you thought, even if you heard or saw it again, right in front of you- is that it? You can’t quite tell and even if that was it that you heard or saw again, somehow that excruciatingly annoying feeling still exists. You don’t wonder whether you will return to it or whether it is a part of you or controls the nature of all things because - of course it does, of course it is and of course you will. But how does one ask the right question? We have the answer, but what is the question? To be or not to be? That sounds like a song that is annoyingly close to the one that I’m remembering, but definitely not it. And I’m not going to be one of those motherfuckers that says. “ oh well, wouldn’t you know? The song I was thinking of was me thinking of what the song could possibly be, all along-happy ever after” fucking annoying. I mean, we have already split the atom and we have electron microscopes and we can look pretty fucking deep inside of things. We have done what we thought was impossible many times, but from a thought experiment standpoint. It seems magical like all impossible things do. Because there would seem to be no components necessarily, but then, everything else is left The whole fucking question is that which is left. Not to be science about it abstract like vibrations or frequencies but even then what the fuck is doing the vibrating and why and where and what is it made of and what happens when you split that in half? There can’t be a single thing that can’t be split in half it must keep going, because if something is then it can be halved🤷‍♂️ maybe it’s time? Wow never heard that one before. That’s like coming up with a word like wind to describe the feeling of a cool breeze while we watch flags ripple in the air and take great refuge and delight in the feeling that we report to be “wind” while our forearms tingle and our hair dances upon itself with the trees and the leaves and the blah blah blah -wind- whatever that really is. So as delightful as it would be all it the fault of time and quit this meaningful righteousness I have for no reason began to take upon myself within the white and black spaces of this notes application in this phone that I could not rebuild if you asked me to. There we go with the opposite again, the white and black. I guess we shouldn’t be too hard on them or at least I shouldn’t because we are all clearly the same level of retarded. One day, I will remember the question and when I do, I’ll slap my knee and exclaim “AHH….I remember now Ahhh-HA!” And then, what after that? Yet another question. At least a little less annoying since I don’t know the answer. Even though I can only truly describe it within myself, the hairs my arm, the deep and sudden whispers in my ear, my body, my feelings stripped to their primary colors. I can’t remember what it is even though I know I have known and do know now. I’ll call it wind