thinking about relapsing

Long story short, I've been addicted since 2019. I quit in 2021, and in 2024 I relapsed in the most horrific way, using every day until July 2025 when my body collapsed and I was on the verge of death. I spent a month sober and relapsed. After that, I relapsed once a month, and now, only on Saturdays. I've been clean for two weeks now, and my problem is that I barely have any money, so I do it. And now, I have the opportunity to do it on Saturdays, but I really don't know if I want to; I'm torn. I'm going through a really bad time, and for the last four months, using on Saturdays is what's keeping me afloat, but I'm getting tired of it because at the end of the night I always end up regretting it, and I feel like I don't want to anymore, but it's almost automatic to do it.