I thought he was my friend

It’s a very very long story so I’ll try to only say some parts.

But at work, I have a friend. He is twice my age. I used to have a massive crush on him, and he knew. Everyone knew. I guess it was hard for me to hide, it was my first crush and it was intense.

But anyways.

A lot of people make fun of me for it.

Some do it in a friendly way, some make fun of me in horrible ways for it. This has been going on for like over a year. I cried the first time actually.

Like recently, which is the main focus of what I’m writing today.

We were both in staff shop, just talking.

I see the guy who has laughed before and said something, but in a different language so idk what/

The guy starts literally pointing and laughing and saying stuff in a different language.

I get mad and im like you wanna say something say it in a way I can understand, bc ur just a coward.

And I know people only laugh at me because I talk to him. Because they all know I had a massive crush.

But he doesn’t say anything to the guy. Infact he turns his back on both of us.

And orders something in shop.

And after the guy leaves, he asks “what did he say?”

And I said idk. You’re the one that knows.

And he just turns away again and said he didn’t hear.

And as I was paying my hand was shaking and he didn’t ask if I’m okay either.

He didn’t say anything to the guy.

He didn’t back me up, even though we message nearly every night, have given each other gifts. Helped each other. I thought we were friends.

And this isn’t the first time people have laughed at me in front of him.

And he never says anything.

So I went home and I removed him off everything,

Even though he was actually my only friend.

And now I feel so depressed and lonely.

And guilty.

And he saw me like 5 days later.

And he just fist bumped me,

And didn’t ask why or anything.

And we didn’t really talk.

But I feel really lost tbh.

But it doesn’t seem like he minds.

And I feel stupid.

If he asks what should I say?

I don’t wanna be mean, bc I don’t hate him,

But it feels like betrayal,

To stay silent while they laugh at me just bc I choose to talk to him.

If he asks I have no idea what to tell him.

I have a feeling he won’t thought.

But if he does, what do I say?

Is it better to say the truth,

Maybe then he’ll look at me like I’m stupid,

Or should I just lie and come up with a reason?