no, you can not turn in 15 weeks of work during finals week

Just got an email from a student who hasn't attended since week three. Zero assignments submitted. No communication. Nothing.

Now, with two days left before final grades are due, they want to know if they can "catch up" on everything. All the readings, all the discussion posts, all three major papers. In 48 hours. And they said it with a straight face.

I don't know if this is learned helplessness or just audacity at this point. But I'm exhausted explaining that deadlines exist for a reason, not because I hate joy.

What's the most absurd last-minute request you've received this semester? Need to know I'm not alone in this.