i just want one good day

im so tired. i had state testing last week, i had state testing today, and i have another state test later this week. im so tired. im overwhelmed. everything hurts.

maybe i should preface this by saying i have a lot of health issues, both mental, physical, and a combination of the two. i have chronic fatigue, as well as horrible anxiety, functional/psychogenic seizures, and a combo of ptsd and ocd that causes me to feel like i need to be perfect and do everything right. i have more issues, but there are the only relevant ones

because i have chronic fatigue, its hard to do large tests. im completely wiped out after them, both physically and mentally. having anxiety makes me worry before the test, and even after the test. then i start worrying about the next test. i feel like i have to go above and beyond to be worthy of anything, and if i dont, im a failure and/or a bad person.

i finished my third state test today. im dreading the next. ive made it through one singular day last week, and that was monday. since then, i havent managed to make it to more than one class after testing, if that.

the staff in the counseling centre at my school are very familiar with me, since i end up there a lot for a multitude of reasons. i ended up going to the counseling centre again after making it to one class

the counselor there told me that just because it was a testing day didnt mean i get to sit in there and i need to go to my classes. i already had a headache and was dizzy. i kind of just.. left and sat outside on a bench. had a seizure or 2 (im not really sure, while i'm conscious for them, they often blur together). begged my dad to pick me up, and im back at home again.

i really just want one good day. i want to even just make it through one day. i want a decent day. im missing so many classes, and thats just making me more stressed and makes it difficult

my grades last semester were so good. my main goal this semester was to have grades im proud of again. im barely passing my classes now. i just want to do well. i want to make people proud. i want to be proud of myself. i want one good day.

i just want a good day again