Feeling like I was in love with the person I was first intimate with after experiencing sexual assault despite not knowing him very well - has this happened to anyone else?

Hi reddit community. I am 25F. In August of last year, I experienced what was pretty textbook/also quite violent SA from someone I'd been dating at the very end of our relationship. My ex was by far the most lustful person I'd ever been with, but he also had thought everything I did was the greatest ever/had adored me and pursued me very aggressively as soon as we'd met. I recall during that period of time thinking that I had never experienced someone who was so assertive/aggressive sexually, but that it was always consensual and that he treated me very well and was very serious about what I meant to him in the beginning of our relationship. It took me much longer to fall in love with him in the same way that he had loved me - about ~5 months. As soon as I developed strong feelings for him back and had really let my body relax around him and decided I was going to give him a chance for real, he pulled away from me/fell out of love with me very quickly - like over the course of 2-3 weeks. I believe it was because I was going through a period where my mental health declined very rapidly because I was paranoid about being fired from my job, and I'd been needing to spend a lot of time with him/had been wanting to sleep next to him most nights because I was very anxious and had grown attached to him - and this was likely too much for him/he wasn't willing to stick around when things got hard. I have never had someone go from adoring me to resenting me so quickly in such a dramatic way, and it was very hurtful and scary how he flipped a switch like that on me. In the last week of our relationship, the sex got very aggressive and involved no kissing and he began just throwing me on my stomach and taking my clothes off and I would cry after and he would not say a word and then from there this escalated to him performing sexual acts on me while I was fully asleep and it was violent and I would wake up and I had no idea what to do or say and I hate myself for not hurting him back somehow. And all the love he had for me was gone at this point I could feel that palpably. I still loved him and could not understand what was happening/how he could hurt me like this. I eventually left, but not before 3-4 instances of sexual violence had occurred. It was so painful to have someone I love hurt me like that. I really wish I could go back and warn myself/save myself from this/ give myself a big hug.

About 6 weeks after the last instance of this happening, I went on a hinge date. I absolutely should not have been dating anyone - I know this now. I specifically remember looking for someone who felt "safe" to me. I decided to see someone 4 more times from hinge. This man was kind ("safe"), but he overshared very personal things about his mental health with me right away that were not really appropriate for two people who had just started going out. Looking back, it kind of felt like he was treating me like a therapist he was very attracted to. I, obviously, did not share the experience I was coming off of with him. However, I remember feeling like I was in loveeee with this man I did not know very well who honestly was slightly incompetent and immature because my body felt safe around him. I broke up with him very abruptly one day in December because I received a letter from my ex where he did not apologize properly for how he had hurt me, and I remember thinking that this new guy's mental health is so bad and I am in no place to be dating this person even though I really quite like him as I am so messed up from what happened to me in August.

I then tried to change my mind about 3 weeks later, and he would not take me back (this is very fair obviously lol). But, I seriously thought about this man I went on 4 dates (over the course of several weeks though due to the holidays) with for ~5 months like every single day - and felt like I had lost the love of my life. It is very unlike me to grow attached to a man quickly like this. It normally takes me months and months to catch real feelings for someone. It is bothering me that I will never know if there really was something special about this person, or if I had developed some kind of trauma bond to him, because of the things he shared about himself with me so quickly and because of the experience I had just lived through and because my body relaxed around him almost immediately and I'd been able to sleep better once I met him.

I am curious if this is a shared experience with people who have been intimate with someone too quickly off of pretty serious sexual assault. I understand how my brain could latch on to someone who had felt safe to me given how unsafe my body was feeling during that period of my life. Any similar experiences? Don't worry - I stopped dating :)