Today

I’m trying to drop my bad habits and get myself together after my train went off the track in winter and I sort of just folded into it all. It is whooping my butt so bad today. I feel like death. I know it’s temporary but right now is one of the times where I wish I had someone to do nothing but snuggle with me while we read or watch movies. Everything was going so well, the best it had been in a really long time so it’s crazy how it can blow up in my face in such a splendid way. Being your own biggest fan and worst enemy is exhausting sometimes. It hasn’t even been that long but I still miss you. It bothers me most at night so I’m going to start goimg to bed earlier so I can sleep through it instead. I know that I need to force myself out, do my hair and makeup, get in a cute outfit, go find some rebound and go get laid but I don’t have the heart or energy for it right now. Instead I’m going to sit with it, feel it so thoroughly that eventually the idea alone is nauseating. That’s the only real way to move past it but the thought of you laying behind me wrapped around me right now feels so healing. I don’t know why you felt so good and I’m low key nervous I’ll never find someone else that makes me feel so idk normal?