Hi, I haven't posted here in a bit. For the past month I've been pretty burned out and tired of everything. I haven't been able to work on my hobbies especially writing my fantasy book which makes me feel really miserable. Thankfully my school ends in 2 weeks I just have to study for the exams and later for the finals. Unfortunately however a week ago I got a pretty bad ear infection and because of that I've spent the whole time in bed feeling like I'm gonna die. Because of that I'm pretty acared of all the exams. Heck I'm pretty much convinced that I will fail at least 2 classes (one of them being really important). Today I was in school for the first time since I got sick because of an exam and even tho I was there only for 2 hours I feel like absolute shit. I know I'm still healing but the school won't wait for me to get better.

I've also been trying to come out to my mom but she always interprets it as me trying to explain to her that I'm a adult that is into some kinky shit (which I am not. In fact I'm asexual) and at this point I feel like she's doing it on purpose. Because of that I haven't really come out to anyone outside of my close friends (who knows about my gender questioning for a while anyway so it doesn't really count) and instead I just show in full masc and attempt to use masculine words while chatting with someone (in my native language all the verbs have slight variations depending on the gender of the person that's talking) and when someone points it out I get defensive about it (but still refuse to tell that person that I'm trans) and starts being kinda mean about it. I know it's pretty asshole of me to do that but I'm just done with everything. I haven't felt a positive emotion in a long time. I just wish I could disappear into a cabin in the mountains. 

Egg😮‍💨irl