I feel bad for not wanting to interact with my sources fandom/fan animatics

So, this post is about Scott from Vampire SMP. The thing is, I'm way more connected to a canon-divergent version then the canon version (I kin both and have a headmate of the canon one.) So whenever I interact with the fandom I go "wait that's not me." because canon-divergent Scott is very VERY different then canon.

With animatics, I also get a bit uncomfortable because I have a feeling I'll see Avid's death and I don't want to see that. But I feel bad because the art always looks to good and they spent time on it. I know I'm not obligated to watch the animatics  but still