My dad is in a cult

Hi, 18F

My dad was in a cult since I was 6 years old.He was always a bit odd…It started innocently he simply didn’t want me to listen to music on the radio and watch movies like Harry Potter exc.. But then it got worse. He started to beat me and my mum and eventually he left us. He moved into a forest, built an underground “bunker” (for lack of a better term)and began preparing for the end of the world.
Every time I went to see him, he would beat me, force me to take psychedelic drugs, kill or injure his animals in front of me, starve me, and lock me in the basement for hours sometimes more than five. He also forced me to read the Bible and even hid moldy food in my room to “get rid of my sins”. He used to explain his actions by saying “God would want this” or that I don’t have respect for him and now the cat has to die and it’s my fault (he killed my cat)..When I was 10, I was diagnosed with ADHD and autism. After that, he kidnapped me from my swimming lesson and took me to his house, where he beat me because he believed my ADHD and autism were caused by a demon.He was never someone I could talk to. When I told him I was being bullied, he just told me to “act normal” (whatever that means)…Everytime I am frustrated with myself I hit my head to “get it together” I remember that he hit me in the head too when I was stressed out..I don’t know why it calms me down…