How do i 33F move on from love of my life 31M?

Hello reddit fellows. Its my first time posting here because i have no one to go to. I feel lost.

Me and my love, lets call him Seth, know eachother for more than 5 years. We met and clicked instantly. I have never felt like how i felt with him with anyone my whole life. I had pretty traumatic childhood and growing up was not easy as well. I never had any friends circle because of my anxiety and mental health issues. With him i felt at ease, we both think alike, we both say same things, we both share same sentiments about almost everything, its so easy for him to understand me and for me to understand him. For the first time i believed that if soulmates exists then he is mine.

Two years back, i fell sick. At the same time he moved abroad because of some family issues and couldn't stay with me but we always stayed in touch. I underwent multiple surgeries and was in hospital most of the time, fighting for my life and unconscious most of the time. He was in contact with my family, my doctors and whenever i was feeling little better he would stay on video call 24/7, would sing for me, would make me laugh. We never really confessed but it was understood that we both madly love eachother and one beautiful day in last year start, he proposed me on call. He said he couldn't wait anymore to say Infront of me. Don't know what happened, i froze and i asked will you ask me again if i get better? He said ofcourse he will...i guess i didn't want him to suffer because i was declared terminal.

I then fell into coma and i was in coma for months. He came to visit me. That time period is another hell that i went through, its so traumatic to even think about that time so i won't get into its detail. He suffered mentally and was in really bad shape. He was losing himself. He then found someone who was going through same and he bonded. They bonded on trauma and his family asked him to propose that girl (let's call her bella). Seth was opposed to this idea but his parents saw how close he was to bella and how she would take care of him...i was put on life support and had 2-3% chance of coming back so his parents really pushed him as they were fearful he might not be able to take if i die so its better if he is with someone.

He got married and I woke up the same month. He was the first person i remembered, he was the first person i called and he collapsed on that call. I am still in hospital, still a long road of recovery infront of me. He didn't hide anything and told me everything in person. Assured me that he loves me only..i didn't tell him but i died that day. And i have been dead since that day.

I told him that i will be okay, he needs to go back to his wife as he loves her too, i told him to be loyal to her and heal himself. He went. And i died. He still asks about how i am doing but its once in one or two weeks. I know he feels guilty so i don't say much. I say i am doing okay. But i am not.

Everyone in my family suffered greatly because of me so i can't share my feelings with them and hurt them more. I have no friends remaining as all so called friends slowly moved in life without me when i was in coma and i don't blame them.

Tell me how to move on from this grief i have in me. How to stop the pain. How to come in terms with that i don't belong anywhere anymore and it's okay. How to be okay again?

Sorry for such long post