I tried to kms tonight.

I sat in the kitchen holding the biggest night we had at home but I just couldn't do it. For context i had a fight with my mother earlier today. For the past . Weeks I have become very irritable, short tempered and quite. My head keeps thinking and overthinking, I am just finishing my masters degree and have a back paper and also keep giving interviews and getting rejected. I think I am losing my memories too. I can't remember anything and feel dazed all the time. And my mother gets upset over every sentence I say or don't say. Prior to this she sl-t shamed me and keeps taunting me about how my non existent in laws are going to hate me. I feel like anything i say would be turned against me in random way. This all feels too much to me. I feel so lonely.

When I tried to actually commit the s word I couldn't I kept remembering all the things I wanted to do and all my friends faces kept poping up in my mind but I also don't want to suffer. And I feel like cutting would hurt. Can someone suggest other alternatives.