My story as survivor

I 21m, and this is my story

When I was young, too young and stupid, i got in contact with Black Man in his mid 30s, he lived in a neighbor city. I was not shore about my sexuell, so I wanted to try out to know what i liked. We texted for a while. And decided that we should meet at night.

When the night came, I had some bad feelings and tried to cancel it, but he made me feel bad because he was halfway here, and i kinda liked him. I live near the forest and there is a big parking lot.

So we dit meet up there when I jumped in his car and he ask me if I wanted to do anal and I didn't really say yes or no I only told him I haven't any lube and was not prepared for it, he told me he had cooking oil. We small talked for some time while I was rubbing his dick and he asked me if he could make a video. i was stupid to say yes as long he did not send it to anyone.

I started to blow him, and he had massive dick i could barely take it, and he started to press my head down. When he was done, we got out of the car for a smoke, and we started to get very close and kinda aggressive and ask me if I wanted to some more fun.

I was really scared and mumbling that I didn't not want and we could do it next time but started to tell me that he been driving for long time to meet me so I kinda gave up told we could try so he asked me to lay down inte the grass on my stomach.

Then he took my clothes off and put the oil on me, and his dick forced it in me. Never have I ever felt so guilty and that kind of pain. I asked him to stop but did not listen to me and forced my head down in the grass. Cried so much that i almost fainted and stopped fighting back and just took it. after when he left, i was crawling into the bushes and just lied their for a moment.

The day after, he texted me that if go to police he would send videos of me blowing him and taking his dick to all my friends.

I have been to therapy for this experience but never told anyone more than my therapist, and some other guys and know reddit. I am sorry for the bad English. Is not my first language. And I wanna be clear that i have met other men who showed me that loving of being a bottom and helping me to process my experience in a controlled environment. I dont know if I have broken any rules know but it feels good to right it out of me.