Title: Need honest advice: toxic attachment, jealousy, and confusing behavior in my relationship Me (19M) her (18F)

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Background: I (19M) am in my first relationship with a girl (younger (18f) , Over time, this relationship became very intense emotionally and physically. Now I’m dealing with extreme insecurity, jealousy, and mental stress, and I want an unbiased perspective.

Key Problems (My Side):

I have strong anxious attachment (constant overthinking, fear of losing her).

I compare myself to other guys (especially one guy named "P" who is confident/social).

I get jealous even when she talks normally to other men.

I mentally monitor her behavior all day, which is ruining my focus (studies, life).

I struggle with emotional control (internally I get angry, insecure, restless).

I sometimes try to control situations indirectly.

I feel like my self-worth depends on her attention.

Her Behavior (Concerns):

She openly says she and her friend group (including a guy named "J") flirt and talk sexually as “fun.”

She has shown extra interest/curiosity toward certain guys (e.g., "X" ).

She once hid my face when she saw her crush in public, which hurt my self-respect , we started our relationship in November and this incident happened in January.

She mentioned having thoughts like:

“Part of me doesn’t care and wants to show myself to other men”

She previously interacted with:

A guy who stalked her online

A tuition teacher who made sexual comments, and she didn’t strongly shut it down initially, she was entertaining him didn't even stand for herself or she was enjoying that.

She sometimes gives mixed signals:

very loving (late-night emotional texts, affection)

then behavior that triggers insecurity

Serious Incident:

A relative (V) behaved in a sexually inappropriate / molesting way toward her, so i got pissed up on that guy and beat him while she was standing and make that guy touch her feets

Despite this, later she was willing to visit his house for a family event, which I found extremely disturbing and disrespectful to herself and to me.

Dynamic Between Us:

Cycle:

I feel insecure → I question or react → she reassures → behavior repeats

She sometimes says:

“I chose you, so why are you insecure?”

But her actions don’t always align with that reassurance.

I feel like:

I can’t trust fully

but I also can’t detach emotionally

Current State:

I feel mentally exhausted, distracted, and unstable.

My studies and routine are getting affected.

I want to:

stop being insecure

stop overthinking

understand if this relationship will even work

Goal: I want honest, harsh advice if needed. I’m trying to improve myself and not repeat this pattern in future relationships.