My choice of life.

I have been thinking about my life for some time. I have really bad addiction to porn. It has been going from my childhood. I liked to watch lot of vids that was sexual. Bikinis, big breast etc. I wasnt even 10 yo back in then. Now im 18 just turned. I have been fighting for 2 years to quit it but it has stuck so bad in my life that it is habit. I feel nervous and weak to tell anyone so I have keep trying fight against it alone. At some point I found out bnwo content and thats it. Anything else hasnt been that addictive. Its always my weak spot. Seeing all hypno about it makes me so horny. If I see girls on tiktok I immediately think about bbc. How would they serve it. How would it look if they get fucked by bbc. I think it is one reason that I cant quit. It makes me feel sick that if I see girl I always think about sex. My brain is do damaged about all gooning and watching porn. I dont wanna do any uncomfortable things and that makes me anxious. My hormones are tumbled. I dont feel good anymore. I can be 3 days maximum without gooning but if I fall again I could goon 3xday and again be 3 days off. I edge myself though and watch porn even I shouldnt. I edge myself to that point that even little touch could make me burst. At same time I wanna worship and serve bbc and find love of my life. Thats the choice of my life. I cant take both. I have two different bucket lists.

1. Find love of my life and stop gooning. start a family with her. See around the world. Japan, Canada, Australia, Brazil etc. Be a happy and free. Thats ehat I really want.

2. Full submit to bbc. Find a girl that is freak like me. We would fuck bbc together. Turn into full cumslut for bbc. Watch my girl getting raped by bbc while im caged. Be a cuck. That what makes me horny and control my life. It make me comfortable even tho I wanna get rid of it.

I will post my journey to here. I dont care if nobody will follow this journey. I make this for myself.