I lied to the girl I love for over a year . I finally told her the truth.

So hi, I guess. It is gonna be a long ass rant, so bear with me.

So on 4th of Jan 23, my mom passed away and I was 16. Sweet 16, huh? Then basically I was preparing for JEE at that time and I spiraled, my dad spiraled, and in July 2023, I got him to remarry because I couldn’t have lost another parent. He was spiraling bad.

Then in October 2023, I came back to my home. I was preparing in Delhi and then I made a post from my another account and I connected with a girl on Reddit. Then we shifted on WhatsApp and stuff and we started talking. She helped me a lot, she listened to me rant, she told me some bits about herself and we got, like, sort of friends and let's call her A.

So in 2024-25, I decided to take a drop year because I got 11,000 rank in JEE Advanced and I thought that I could have done better. I know it was a stupid decision in itself but from the position which I was in, I wasn’t thinking straight because before that I was kind of a good student and it was just not acceptable for me. Anyways, I did take a drop year and I spiraled bad.

The new family dynamics and the grief, everything just came right at me. I was super depressed, super stressed, I was on medications, antidepressants, and I was anxious and I even tried SH.And amongst all of this chaos, I lied to her, I lied to my family, I lied to my friends that I made into IIT, which my family obviously found out later on within next two, three days. But I played the lie with her. I don't know why, but I was trying to hold on to something that was not me. I was trying to hold on to a version which I aspired to be because back then I was not myself. I was just a boy who was trying to survive and I'm not justifying any of it. Lying is lying and I own it completely. That was my stupid mistake. But I lied to her.

Then in July 2025, I asked her out. I said that I liked her, but she said that... like, she took drop year too, so she was one year junior than me and she said that you are going to start college and right now it's not the best time and I got to study. Basically, it didn’t happen.

Then I joined IIM'S Bachelors of Science DSAI program and I continued talking to her usually and during this phase, like when I started college to right until now, we got better and better. Like we got open with each other.

Now things got messy when she called me. Few days back we were talking and it was like 3 or 4 in the morning and she confessed that she liked me back even then and even now. And I used to think she didn't but she did. And after that day, I started developing feelings for her more intensely. I would send her random reels and stuff and all of that.

Then around 20th, 21st, her results came and she called me and I could literally hear her crying and my heart just melted hearing her cry. And then she spiraled like, 'I gave my three years, nothing came out of it, I'm good for nothing.' And it hit me. I was in the exact same spiral stating exact same statements. And then she said, 'But you made it,' and it stung me like anything and I broke . I told myself that I couldn't do this to her anymore, I couldn't do this to myself anymore.

Then after two, three days, I dropped the bomb. I sent her a eight-minute voice note stating everything. And then she called me next day in the morning but I was in my class, I didn't answer her out of anxiety and it's been six days ever since. Last night I called her, she said that she is at her cousin's wedding and ‘Abhi mujhe baat bhi nahi karni’ (TS: I don’t even want to talk right now).

I don't know if she would come back or not but I don't regret telling her the truth. I regret lying to her at the first place and I might have lost a good person, a good friend, and maybe something more than that. I lost a real one in my life….again. But it was on me. I made a brutal mistake.

Honestly if she never comes back I deserved it but a part of me wants to call her tell her everything with …talk to her…but I won’t cause it would feel like justifying and pressurising her.

But worst part is I did this when we were at our highest getting more comfy with each other…and just a night before that call I was thinking that I’ll plan some sorta meetup/date with her in sem break and maybe tell her how much she matters and I kinda love her.

TL;DR: Lied to a girl about my college I talked to for 3 years whom I loved