I probably know why I got bully everytime

I know much, feel much, observe much, analyze much. So everytime that i have to stand up for myself I always dont, cause things are complicated. I even don't figure it out what reason should i stand up for myself. I know what's wrong with them, I can simpthy and forgive.

However, the result torture me. People find a trash can that could dump shit for no cost.
And everytime I being shamed in front of people, no one would say something for me, even disturb the situation. In some situation people even say i am the wrong one or laugh at me.

I know something today, people who's like me, who understand me are surffering as well.
they dont dare to say something, just like me. If i saw someone being shame, I woud freaking out and run away.

I mean i stand up once, I punch that bitch so hard. But after all, nobody care. They keeping bully me. I felt really helpless. I've tried my best but nothing change.

That experience change function of my brain. My brain will shotdown everytime I feel danger. i will say and act in a way that shame myself. I am so mad for myself, I betray myself and I can not do anything. It's so much tough man.