“Setting boundaries makes me feel like a bad person — does this happen to anyone else?”

I said “no” to a small favour yesterday.

• Nothing dramatic.

• No argument.

• Ever there was no conflict.

Just a simple, polite: “Hey, I can’t do that today.”

And they said, “No worries :)”

So tell me why I spent the next couple of hours replaying it in my head like I’d just ruined the

relationship?

This continues to happen. I get this heavy feeling in my chest every time I try to set a

boundary—even one that is reasonable—and it makes me feel not only uneasy but also

guilty. Like I’ve been selfish. Like I’ve disappointed someone.

And the worst part?

Logically, I know I didn’t do anything wrong.

But my brain still goes:

• "You could have simply adjusted."

• “It wasn’t that big of a deal.”

• "What happens if they believe you've changed?"

• “What if they stop asking you altogether?”

I think that my upbringing is largely responsible for this. Being “nice” meant:

• Saying yes

• Being available

• Not making things inconvenient for others

As a result, I now feel like I'm breaking some unwritten rule whenever I do the opposite,

even in a healthy manner. What’s messing with me is this:

I can handle my own discomfort.

But the idea that I might cause someone else even slight discomfort? That’s what makes

me spiral.

Even if everything is fine with them.

Even if they literally said “no worries.”But I somehow start to notice something:

That guilty feeling doesn’t mean I’m doing something wrong.

It simply indicates that I'm experimenting with something new. It's as though I'm getting rid

of the instinct to "say yes to keep the peace." Still feels awful though.

Is it ever going to get easier? Or do you just learn to sit with the guil