I really want to celebrate my 1 year of celibacy in June

Oral & hands don’t count… I have a little over a month. He swears I won’t last to celebrate. Now, it’s a challenge. My reasons for this are not healthy. I’m not sure if I like him (I know I dont). But I’m so aroused? Maybe it’s because we’re sneaking around. Maybe it’s because I’m coping. Maybe because this is just a bit.