To the dumpers, how would you feel if you saw your ex, who you still love and miss?

I posted yesterday, about my situation, but there's an update.

We met yesterday at the gym. It was a total coincidence, and I was so scared he’d get mad and say I only went in the hope of seeing him and “control” him (which, of course, is not true—just my anxiety). To my surprise, he was very warm and nice to me. He asked me how I was doing, and I said okay. Then I asked him, and he said also okay, but I could hear his voice stumbling and could feel he wasn’t really okay (just like me). Then he came to me twice to talk, making jokes just like the old times. I really wanted to text him afterward, but I didn’t. Still, I can’t stop thinking about yesterday and wonder what is going through his head?

And that is our story from my post yesterday:

I've been with my ex for close to 7 years (and have known him for almost 10). We do have a history of breaking up, but that was between 2016–2018 when we were both very young. Fast forward to 2019, when we just couldn’t forget each other and got back together. We got our first apartment in the summer of 2020 and had been living together until 2 months ago. We were getting ready to start a family (we are now both in our early 30s).

Some bad things have happened in our relationship over the course of 6 years. During COVID, we both had no friends, couldn’t go out, and were still adjusting to living together. He had been texting many women (no actual cheating). I tried telling him this made me sad and that I didn’t like it, but he told me to stop being so insecure and controlling. This made me text other men as revenge, but soon after I realized that I wasn’t like that and stopped.This situation made me super insecure, to the point that I started snooping through his phone (all bad, I know). Over time, this also stopped, and he had also grown up. As I said, we were planning a family—until 6 months ago, when he found the messages I had with other guys from 5 years ago, as well as some screenshots from his phone. He got so mad that he made the next 3 months a living hell for me.I tried to say that I was sorry and that I only did it because he was doing things behind my back, and I thought that getting some attention would help me forget what he was doing. I also pointed out that we were both younger, and I had reacted extremely stupidly, but he didn’t accept it. He said that for guys it’s okay to do that, but as a woman I had lost my purity and value.This whole situation led to so much fighting and ugly behavior, and it just added more fuel to the fire. We separated at the end of February, and since then I’ve been living alone. He has said on a few occasions that he misses me and that he’s thinking about me.I still love him very much, and I am a very different person from who I was 5 years ago. Everybody makes mistakes, and I truly want to be with him. We’ve had two periods of roughly 10 days with no contact, but then I texted him. He engages very easily in flirty/sexual messages, but barely reacts to emotional messages I send (except when he said he missed me or was thinking about me).Also, before we broke up, he told me to work on myself and the things he needs/wants from me, and that we both need time to heal. During one of our recent conversations, he said, “I’ve already said what I need/want—now it’s your turn.”

He also rereads some of our conversations because he reacts to some messages and then removes his reaction. He also withholds emotionally—sometimes he writes something and I see it pop up on my phone, but he deletes it before I open it.

Please give me some advice on what to do, and don’t judge. Everybody is different and has different problems. I just know that we both love each other, and I really want to get back together.