i want my grandma back

I used to think she never really loved me, or maybe she just didn’t show it in a way I could understand, but I know now how deeply I loved her. I wished all my life for her happiness, for her to live as long as me, to always be there, and now that she’s gone, it feels unreal like any moment someone will call and tell me she’s still alive. What hurts the most is not just losing her, but everything I didn’t do: the time I didn’t spend, the care I thought I’d give later, even something as small as massaging her legs one last time. I keep replaying it all, wishing I had one more chance, because I don’t just miss her I want her back, exactly as she was, her face, her voice, everything, and I don’t know how to accept a world where she doesn’t exist anymore.