What pushed to to keep going, even if everything around you felt suffocating?

i’m 21 and on my third year of college. I feel I have failed my parents and professors and possibly, my friends. In classes, i struggle to do the readings and essays. I procrastinate almost all the time, and when it’s time to start, I feel this overwhelming pressure. I try to finish, but I can’t. I try to read but seeing how much it is, it feels like I will never finish. Same with the essays. Professors reach out to help me, and I try to meet them in the middle, but sometimes I fail… well most of the times. Then my parents, they’re paying for my college and everything I need… so how can I, with good conscience say “hey actually, i’ve been procrastinating and not giving it my all” ? I feel guilty and at fault for everything. My parents give me everything I need, so I have no excuse to fail… but i’m failing. So this pressure to prove to them their efforts aren’t in vain are eating at me. I don’t know what to do. Towards the end of my first year, I started to feel myself drop, emotionally and mentally. Now, I have thoughts of kms, but not serious ones, just fantasies. I don’t have to guts to actually do it, i’m not ready for it. But I do think about it. It would make everything go away. I would no longer have to worry about expectations. I would be free. I’m behind everything and everyone. I can’t see the light at the end of the tunnel. I have no motivation, desiree, energy, or discipline to keep going. I don’t even know what i’m doing. I just want to rest and never get back up.