WIBTAH if I(18F)stayed with this guy(20M) despite all I have done to him or is it his fault to not being able to let me go?

I(18F) met this guy(20M) on an online game and hit it off sparking an online friendship, we live in different countries but in the same continent. I introduced him to another online friend who we will call her Stacy(20F), who lives in another country but in our same continent.

We would play all day and night during summer, call, vent about each other's issues and little insecurities, he is a sweet guy from the moment I heard his voice. We became best friends, always checking up with my mental health.

I knew that in a way or another I'd have ended up hurting him even just as friends so me and Stacy came up with a few lies to weird him out, to push him away. It started simple, Stacy pretended to vent to him about how annoying I was, he didn't comply with Stacy. Then I let them know a bit about each other and Stacy started to flirt with him which resulted in them sexting, maybe this would have weirded him out. Stacy is a socially awkward lesbian and he wasnt a really a freak. Throughout the sexting the only one engaging "allegedly" was Stacy(she was pretending, she actually was a bit disgusted by it), he never once talked this dirty with me, it was out of character from him. After a month they talked about actually dating online so I got Stacy to pretend to date him and be a terrible girlfriend.

{I want to mention that he never once forgot about me or put me aside(only when they were sexting), he would still play games with me, call me, text all day.}

I got Stacy to put on this fake persona, an online girlfriend who goes out partying every night at clubs, a controlling gf, demanding, mind tripping and jealous, no friends allowed, victimizing. Stacy made him choose between her and me multiple times because she was pretending to be jealous of me and his friendship bond. He always tried to explaing how i was just a close friend, a sister, he could have never date me. I don't know why but when they started dating i felt jealous myself, i slowly developed a deeper interest in him, more than a friendship, but still this has to be done.

One time after a big altercation between Stacy and him, Stacy told him that she would have driven me to suicide if he didn't send an image of his dick in chat, to make matters worst Stacy logged in my Snapchat account and requested the image to be sent to his and mine chat. I still remember how he desperately tried to call me about what was happening, he could have just block Stacy and me and forget about us. I told Stacy this might be too far and finally answered to him which to his pov saved me and his life.

After this altercation he didn't left us, me and Stacy needed a way to weird him out. I got her to fake an involuntary cheating incident and this guy still forgave her. The 2nd time I got her to fake a cheating it worked, the two broke up but still he remained very close to me as a friend.

Fast foward to a few weeks, me and him started dating, but it was different from what dating felt like between Stacy and him, I asked why would she date someone like her if she knew of her flaws, he told me that "ig i was too much in love" and brushed it off. I asked him why wouldn't he date me sooner if he had feelings, he told me that i was afraid to ruin the friendship and that he would have rather stayed friends than risking to ruin our friendship, he said how he would have done anything to preserve connections with me.

The first two months were amazing, honeymoon phase. After the new year the phase ended but feelings towards each other were still there. Sadly I had to go through a few existencial crisis while i was dealing with broken friendship between me and a childhood friend, plus my grades were barely average. All this combine made me feel miserable, no worthy of love, love that i was still recieving from him so i had to make him stop loving me, i forced myself to hate him while still being in a relationship with him so i started to ghost him, avoid him. The only means of communications were cutten and we barely spoke daily, he noticed this avoidnessso i told him that i was just busy in search of a job and school stuff. He noticed my online status, how i would go online when he texted but wouldn't open the chat, how i would play games bc of my game history shown in my online profile. He knew I was purposely avoiding him and one night I told him straight away that I lost feelings and that was no reasons to keep dating. He was visibly sad and heartbroken by this, he went to talk with Stacy who which was a close friend of mine still, asking her if she knew about this and Stacy collaborating with me we faked chat messages where I pretended to tell Stacy the truth of how I lost feelings. This made him fall in more sadness and Stacy told me that he wasn't sounding so willingly to keep living and my love for him was still there so I told him that I was preteding all of this and that I actually still loved him, how i was avoiding him bc of the things that happened to me lately. He forgave me and kept dating me.

January didn't finish yet and me and him argued again and everything was unlished, I told him how for the past 6 months me and Stacy lied, that I wasted 6 months of his life for nothing just for my own insecurities, he naturally was angry at me and Stacy and told us that if we ever contacted him again he would rather have khs than keep living in a lie.

After a few days we were all calmer and called one last time, me and him agreed that what we both did was wrong and how he was sorry for the way he reacted and that it was just the anger of the moment. In that call we agreed to just stay friends and focusing in better ourselves. It wasn't long before the friendship turned into dating all over again, I couldn't just delete my feelings for him, I started it and he followed right along it. Why didn't he kill it the second i started it. 2-3 weeks we were and still are in a relationship once again.

From then we had little arguments and altercartions regarding outsiders of our relationship, we managed to make the boat float and are waiting for our happily ever after, I'm afraid that I will hurt him again, making him suffer on top of his personal life problems.

WIBTAH if I stayed with this guy, there were many instances where I told him he would better be with another girl that communicated with him and understood him better rather than me, he just doesn't want to let go.