Just get it of my chest

Have to say my first language isn’t English and first time posting

I met a man (call him Ben) about 2 years ago. A neighbor to houses from mine. He is almost 20 years older, but we have a same interest. I thought he was great at first. We had kind of a relationship. I was upfront about how I was seeing it. Didn’t want a relationship and just fwb but after a month he said to someone I was his girlfriend. I was dumbfounded and didn’t say anything. I thought “maybe it’s not so bad we will see” a month later I got on a vacation alone. All the time he wasn’t that in to me. He said he was but his actions said otherwise. I came back from vacation early because of him. We talked about it and I thought it was oke to have a few days before he had to work again. But when I came home he ghosted me. I was fed up and after 4 days not hearing from him. I told him is was done. Also told him that he tricked me in the relationship I

but we could be friends. He didn’t saw that coming he said and the reason why he ghosted me and was so distant all the time was of he friend (women) and he was afraid he would lose her friendship if she heard about me.

Now to the creepy part. So we remained friends. He changed and we would do lots of things together. Thrift shopping, flea markets etc. Almost every day contact. But I said I didn’t want anything more. About the time I broke up with him my next door neighbors told me there was a person always looking in my window and hanging around in the dark. I told Ben about it I he said he keeps an eye out. So 1,5 years passed by and again the next door neighbors told me there is someone hanging around your house even behind your house (we share a driveway) so that scared me. But the way the neighbors told me how the person acted made me think it could be Ben. I told him nothing and bought some cameras online. Before the cameras even arrived. I caught the culprit.

I had a friend over and saw someone passing my side window. I looked outside and there was Ben walking towards his house. I thought “oke well maybe he wanted to come over and saw I had someone over and just went home” some time passed and I don’t know why but I looked behind my curtains (very thick curtains) and there was Ben with his face almost against the window, about 30 cm from my face. I shouted “wtf are you doing ?” But he just kept staring not at me but trough me o said it again and he turned around very slowly and walked away also slowly like a zombie.

My friend ran outside and wanted to jump him. But Ben reacted like a child. My friend said he wanted to call the police and Ben was saying “call the police “ he aktes like a victim and wanted to walk away and said “I will kill myself now “. So I called the police said what Ben did and that for 1,5 years. But they said. “Yeah so he really did nothing. Then I said “he wants to kill himself” I know they have to come of someone is suicidal. They came after a long time. Ben acted really scary. But also like a victim. Saying I was an evil person and not nice etc. He didn’t want to talk to me. But wanted to talk to my friend but not with me there. So I stood alone scared of what happened. I have ptsd and I was freaking out. The police went with Ben in his house for about 1,5 hours and came to my house for about 10 minutes. Only telling me Ben was really sick in his head and had too much to drink and I had to take that in to account and if I wanted help I have to call my doctor. I didn’t felt heard. I had therapy for years. But couldn’t afford anymore because I had to travel to far and I have welfare because I am 100% incapacitated for work and only get enough to survive. I am still angry and it is almost a month ago. But Ben doesn’t go to work since that day and is all day at home. I’m afraid but also of myself because I am so angry. Police said he is sorry and if I have no evidence I have no case. He admitted the whole thing even when the police was with him. I massaged him a week later because he had some stuff from me in his garage and I wanted it back , I had discussed it with the police that I would have contact. He admitted it in text, but even that wasn’t enough. I don’t believe everything he said. He did it several times a week and claims he didn’t hear or saw a thing al those times he was standing outside my window and behind my house and never saw or heard anything. There are more things but I don’t feel like telling everything, because it’s kind of difficult writing everything in English.

My life feels like a mess. I feel unseen. I had a case against someone from the military for SA and lost it. Because they lost my proof didn’t hear my witnesses and after 5 years fighting they looked at the case again and dismissed it again. Because the proof I had wasn’t enough. But again they didn’t hear the witnesses etc. Days after the creepy encounter with Ben I got the news the case is dismissed even stating in writing that the prosecutors believed me but the evidence wasn’t enough and because of the guys work they dismissed it as “not guilty “. So I feel scared like in this land I life in a man can do what he wants with a women and everybody will look away and just let you fall apart. I’m afraid of doing something stupid. I asked helpt from social work but they never got back to me. I have a social worker every week who comes and helps with my household, she is now trying to get someone to help me and talk to. I have good friends but I don’t want to bother them with my issues all the time. I think they don’t even know how bad I feel. I have told them I’m not in a good place, but o think they don’t see how serious it all is. I am very good in masking. So I can tell how I feel, but without showing much emotions.

I don’t know ven know why I am telling all of this. I just wanted to get it of my chest I think.