Anyone have any luck with staying?

For my fellow f/a’s how did you figure out how to stay? How did you learn to trust that person? What about them made it safe? What did you need to change about yourself?

I recently started dating a wonderful man. Unfortunately…I tend to leave. I tend to leave all my close friends, and definitely every partner I’ve ever had….often multiple times. I’ve made huge progress in therapy and have learned to slow down my reactions, especially in friendships. As well as huge work healing my shame, advancing my life and learning coping skills. Got medicated for ADHD and have been doing EMDR.

However. I question my relationship every single day. He’s 26, I’m 23, we’ve only been seeing each other for 4 months, and he asked me to be his girlfriend this week. I get so paranoid he’s actually bad for me. I get anxious when I picture the rest of my life and tell myself I need to get out fast before I get more attached. I’m not this dysregulated outside of relationships. I don’t want to do this to him. I love him so god damn much, he says he doesn’t believe me because I try to leave him so often. But it’s not that I wanna leave him because I don’t love him. I just think we’re incompatible in some ways, like political views, humor, life perspective. I’ve brought this up from the start. I tried breaking things off, told him I wanted a partner who was more like me- fun, free spirited. He convinced me to stay. Really adamant that he could be that for me and would do anything for me. So I stayed. I still have the same qualms!

I agreed not to bring it up anymore, (us not being compatible) in return of us never bringing up politics/ certain life views. But boy do I feel like I’m betraying myself being with him. I can’t help but to wonder if there’s someone else where it would be easier to be with?

I’ve been honest since I met him, about my attachment style and C-PTSD/triggers. I’ve explained my needs, fears and take responsibility for my part. I apologize, and listen to him, and change my behavior. I can’t help but compare how easy it is with other people. Like when my friends or coworkers get my humor effortlessly, or are actually curious about me, I start to wonder if it’s my attachment style or if I’m genuinely just not getting my needs met.

Yes I’ve communicated what I need. He does try. He’s thoughtful and considerate, even did research on my attachment style. He’s patient. Disciplined. Loving, loyal. Generous and protective. Handsome, strong. When I first met him, I could have swore he came straight from out of my fantasy. The effort and love/consideration he showed was everything I had ever wanted.

He is much less empathetic than I am. Has a mindset of “get over it” when it comes to his own neglect. I don’t really feel like he sees me, but he says I just focus on the negative. He says nothing is ever good enough for me. I just want to laugh easily with my partner, and feel appreciated for who I really am.

Living with this attachment style is fucking hell. I can’t tell what’s up or down and all I want is to not hurt others or myself.