Actually saw myself smile today 🙂

It's seriously been too long, I don't doubt that I have smiled recently but I've felt under a lot of pressure and having that void in the chest feeling for so long lately that I relapsed pretty badly on self harm, unfortunately in a location I could not hide it from work, so after seeing my CPN she suggested I get ahead of it and write down what happened so work would be aware and I wouldn't be pulled to one side.

What resulted is me being kept on only 2 department and doing some breaking down of stock on my shifts for the next 4 weeks. I actually felt listened to and heard (dealt with a new manager who I haven't had many dealings with and she was amazing) like I was still pretty low and a bit stressed but I noticed somewhere during my shift the heavy chest feeling had gone.

Minor inconvenience being I started sertraline a couple days ago and I have a headache and my eyes are unable to adjust to near view (which probably didn't help the headache as whilst most of my job involves putting things out you still need to check numbers on occasion to help locate things) my pupils look like I'm on some drugs 😂.

Anyways the feeling in my chest still isn't here, I was doing my usual get home from work dance and sing along to music whilst running a bath and then I caught myself in the mirror whilst singing... a smile... an honest smile, and that made me so happy that the grin grew even bigger and I stood there clapping my hands like an idiot in front of my mirror. But ya know what? I don't care.... I ACTUALLY SMILED AHHHHHHHHHH! 😆