Confession

Idk what is making me write this, ig I just want to confess somewhere. I started preparing for this exam with all the zeal and excitement and telling myself that this time I won't let a competative exam break me. It was last last year around the same time when I decided to staft preparing. I searched high and low for every source to try come up with a preparation plan. Made a plan but was never able to stick to it. One month passed, then another, then another and time kept passing and I had effectively done nothing. I kept failing my day's target, my weekly target, my monthly target. 12 months seemed long, very long to sit and prepare alone but then it became 6 and then 3 and 1 and then today a day before exam. Time just slipped away. I took a gap year because job market is not good with just Bachelors and I cannot start a setup rn. I thought things would be better once I get a Masters. I cannot afford a Pvt college so was aiming for a Govt seat.

Have I solved the Dental Pulse even once? No. Had I enrolled into a coaching? I did but never followed through. Have I solved even 50% of any QBank? No. Have I solved every PYQ? No. But I did get give tests and my score is stuck at the same place of just 100 corrects and 90 wrongs. I just know few odd topics here and there and try to solve out the rest based on any residual knowledge I have from my BDS days and obviously its not working out. I would be lying if I said I was not distracted this year, I was. I used to check Reddit and YT very often, binge on Netflix. I kept thinking I was smart enough to make it work even in less amount of time but as it turns out I am not. Ik its just a PG exam, I should not sweat but things have drastically changed in my life and I cannot afford to lose this. Even after knowing all of this, today I stand unprepared here. Ig its the fear, the shame and the guilt that is making me wtite it and confess somewhere. I just wish all this never ever happened.