Am I doomed to never find meds that will help and will I constantly be in a state of burn out?

My hope is almost gone and Im miserable. Am I just doomed? Is this really going to be my life until I die.

The only med I think could remotely help is a stimulant, but my psych refuses to give it to me because she said it could kill me due to my heart having a borderline rythm. Yet my sister has several more heart issues and she's completely fine. I honestly dont care if it could kill me at this point. If it works, and it will take me, at least I wasn't suffering.