Battling with sexuality… advice appreciated

Hi I’m 23F and have been attracted to women for as long as I can remember, but I’ve only ever dated men.

I have only been truly been intimate (other than kissing) with a girl once… with my former roommate who was and is straight as far as I know… you can guess how that went. But even before then, I’ve had crushes on my friends, I’ve flirted with girls at bars, but when it comes down to inviting a woman home, asking her on a date, swiping right on hinge, I’m hesitant for some reason. I actually only just set my hinge settings to see women like last month.

Mostly, it’s the raging homophobia throughout my whole family. I have had friends/distant family members come out in the past few years and the comments from my dad, grandparents, my mom, and even my brother are just awful honestly. My dad has said the words out loud to my face “if you ever came home with a girlfriend I would send you right back home”… My mom tries to act like she disagrees, but she makes more sly, passive aggressive comments. She’s not as up front about her homophobia lol.

I know this isn’t an uncommon story for queer people. Actually, it’s probably more common than not so I know I’m not special in that way. I feel like it’s just constantly in the back of my mind, like what would my parents do if I brought a girl home? And that’s what makes me pause. Like I feel like I can’t start a relationship with a girl because I know that it will either end my relationship with my family or end the relationship with her so what’s the point?

But at this time in my life, it’s starting to become unavoidable. After failed relationship after another with men, I just want to know what it’s like. For a long time I have just accepted that being with a woman isn’t in the cards for me, at least not while my parents are alive. But I’m just tired of avoiding a part of who I am! It’s exhausting regretting every interaction with a pretty girl that gives me ~the vibe~ where I just turn it down and pass up at least giving it a try.

I guess I’m just looking for advice. For my out bi people, especially those with not very accepting family members, what did you do? How do you approach starting to date women when you know this about your family? How do I even come out? I know these are loaded questions that require more context but personal experiences with this would be appreciated 💖