Day 157 and I think I can live better

30 M here. It's been 157 days since my wife died. We knew each other for 3 years and married for 1.75 years when she died suddenly (due to illness) at the young age of 28. She was a wonderful person and I used to feel at home with her. I want to express my journey of growth since her death here -

Day 1 to 15 - Thinking about what to do now. How to plan ahead. This probably was the state of shock as described by someone on Reddit here.

Day 16-25 - Deep gut wrenching pain. So much pain that I've never experienced before. Her absence physically hurt. Acceptance became harder.

Day 25-40 - Started the process of Death Claim settlements with insurance etc. Very painful to relive all of it again. Till now I was surrounded by family for 40 days. So I was not alone.

Day 40-60 - First 20 days without being surrounded by anyone, living in the same house that my wife turned into home. Toughest periods of my life. Could not sit in the house for more than 2 hours and I used to go to sit in a random cafe all day long on holidays. Pain was coming in waves. Cried a lot. Tried a lot.

Day 60-100 - Days started to go by faster. Got busy with work and responsibilities. I missed her every time I found something new or had a joke which we would have laughed at. Missed her company over a tea every evening after office and over a coffee every morning before office. We both worked.

Day 100-125 - Pain used to come in waves and waves were strong. Milestones started coming - our wedding anniversary, our engagement, our first foreign travel dates etc. Used to hurt a lot. But I lived through.

Day 125-150 - I grew immensely as a person. I missed memories with her. But there were times when I even forgot that she's no more. There were times that I started to look ahead in life. There were times I reasoned with myself that I am still young. I concluded that maybe I'll start talking with women.

Day 150-today - I think I am ready to move ahead in life. I have started talking with the opposite gender. I admit, I've lost the hand in the game and it feels kind of strange. 3 years ago I was courting my wife and today I'm looking for a partnership again. I never thought I would have to do this again. I'm still hesitant in talking with women and approaching them but I do it because finally I feel like I'm getting alright. I am changing the house I shared with her in 1 month and I've found a good rental property too.

Day today - future - I plan to remember her as a fine memory and I plan to move further in life. My wife was an amazing phase of my life but now that my reality has changed, I should make myself capable of moving ahead in life.