I failed my retainer, I'm useless

When I first got off of braces years ago I was able to wear my retainers, but after a few months I stopped by accident, and I wasn't able to go back to using them. I feel awful and so guilty because I haven't told my parents for years and lied .

I'm an adult now if you can believe that. I'm absolutely retarded. Why couldn't I have just told them? I reasonably feel ashamed and guilty. I wasted their money

I'm getting ready to kill myself soon. I know what's best for me. I'm not good at being alive anyways