I fucking hate living

um to start i’m 27f living in San Diego

im really just tired of everything. tired of being ugly and undesirable. tired of working. tired of living a life on a planet i didn’t ASK to be born on and expected to work because “that’s how its always been”. working is SUCH a waste of our lives, just slaves to the follicle the Nirvana Nevermind cover says it’s sickening.

i’m tired of the greediness and selfishness of humans. speaking of humans i’m tired of being one people fucking SUCK.

i’m so ugly nobody ever wants to fucking touch me, i’m lesbian and i’ve barely been intimate with people, and it’s ALWAYS me pleasing other people they never cared about how i felt 😣 i’ve never had intercourse and i want to just to experience it, never been eaten out or had anything done to pleasure me that wasn’t just from me masturbating. i’m DISGUSTING and whenever ive gotten close to having intercourse the person always flakes out it’s beyond frustrating it pisses me off. i’ve barely had one relationship that was short lived YEARS AGO.

i’m so awkward and i want to go to gay bars but my friends always flake out and never ask me to go even when i SEE THEM GO WITH OTHER PEOPLE. it fucking pisses me off, am i just too boring to hang out with??

another reason i HATE being human is we have this stupid hard wiring in our primate brains to want to be in a relationship so we can procreate or whatever; and because of that people only go off of LOOKS because subconsciously our brain think they have better dna and are suited to bear our kids. so where does that leave my ugly ass?? by myself forever but i want to be FINE with being alone forever because fuck this stupid brain. my personality is amazing but ofc i’m too ugly so who even cares about me?

i’ve gotten pulled over and ticketed three times this year for stupid bullshit that doesn’t even matter. im not paying them i dont care, it wont matter when im dead.

i blame my stupid parents for having me when i wish they hadn’t because i HATE being black it fucking sucks. we have the worst hair texture out of EVERY RACE I happen to be the one with the crappiest and most difficult texture? i just desperately want it to grow normally, i can only deal with it because i add chemicals to it which isn’t good. why couldn’t my mom have met a white man? a mexican man? it’s bullshit i also have an ugly nose because of it.

I HATE MY LIFE I JUST WANT TO DIE!!

i just want to take a bunch of drugs cuz i’ve been so boring and haven’t done anything fun except weed ONCE YEARS AGO and i took a 3mg gummy which did close to nothing. i’m such a fucking loser

i’m just so tired of crying myself to sleep and being stuck with these thoughts of depression ive had for the past couple years… 988 and i may as well be best friends theyre the only ones there for me it seems sometimes. i dont even really want their help i just want somebody to chat with.

i also hate hate HATE living in the U.S its fucking bullshit that i’m stuck here because “i was born here” i want to go to canada or japan or something with a completely different culture than the bs here

the only happiness i get is from going to Disneyland or watching movies. i guess this is more like a rant but idk

TLDR; i want to fucking die because i hate my race, working forever, im ugly and have never really been intimate because of it