Finally gained clarity

The past 4 weeks post break up have been horrible. Week one I was moving forward but my ex reached out “due to hurt” and that made me go 10 steps back. Week two was sort of nice because we had a mature conversation. Week three I noticed that he blocked me everywhere, I reached out and it felt like break up #2, I begged him to try again but he maintained he no longer loves me. Week 4 I was annoyed and asked for the money back that he owes and he basically said hates me now, he’s disappointed and scared I’ll be a crazy stalker ex to his new girl, which I would never do, his future partner did not hurt me so I don’t know why he thinks I am that pathetic do go down that road. I made him aware about how he used me the past few months for financial support knowing he was not in love with me and would eventually end things once in a better financial standing. I have lost all his respect and I am fine with it. He has lost mine too, absolutely zero empathy after all the years that we have spent together and he treats me like trash after the breakup simply for being hurt and trying to understand where it went wrong. I under I should have respected his boundaries but rather hate me than allow me to have hope. I’d rather be the annoying ex and get my feelings hurt in order to finally move on.

He gets to move on to finally getting an apartment etc while I gave my last to him every month under the agreement it would be paid back when we get married etc. I still acted a bit pathetic in our last conversation wanting to know what I did wrong. I am glad the conversation happened and that he showed his apathy towards me, like a moment of clarity. It still hurts to picture him with someone else but not as much anymore, I am completely numb and have completely let go of whatever hope I had. Now I can freely date without thinking I’m still cheating on him. The total disappointment in him has made me want to finally move on. 6 years down the drain but here’s to the next 6 with a better brighter future.