3-year situationship, we talk every single day… Does it turn into love? I don’t know if I’m in love or just stuck. What should I do?

I don’t even know where to start. I feel like I’ve been living in the same emotional loop for years and I’m honestly exhausted.
I’ve been talking to this guy for almost 3 years, and we talk every single day(it’s long distance we live in 2 different countries and dont see each other). Not sometimes. Not on and off. Literally every day. He’s part of my routine, my day, my life at this point.
And that’s what makes this so confusing.
Because he’s not a bad person at all.
He:
never ghosted me
always replies
is present in my life
jokes with me, talks to me, listens
treats me like a girlfriend in many ways
He even says things like:
calling me “wife” jokingly
saying I’m different
sometimes even talking about marriage
So part of me feels like… how is this not real?

But then there’s the other side.
He’s told me multiple times that:
he doesn’t really develop feelings
he’s not emotional
he doesn’t want something based on emotions
And whenever I try to open up about how I feel, it somehow turns into:
“you’re overthinking”
“it’s not that deep”
And I’ve tried. A lot.
I’ve brought this up multiple times over the past 3 years. I’ve tried to explain:
that I want to feel chosen
that I don’t feel secure sometimes
that I’m not asking for something crazy, just consistency in how I feel
But nothing really changes long-term.

And here’s the part that’s messing me up mentally:
When he’s normal, texting, present → I feel calm, safe, like everything is okay
When he takes hours, or feels distant → I get anxious, I overthink, I feel like I can’t breathe
It’s like my entire emotional state depends on him and I hate that.

Also something I noticed:
when I pull back, he becomes more affectionate
when I go back to normal, he goes back to his usual self
And it keeps repeating.

About me:
I’m not like this with everyone.
With other guys, I can detach
I can ghost
I can set boundaries
But with him, I feel like I lose control of myself.
And the worst part is:
I’ve felt this same pattern before in another situation too.

Recently, for the first time in 3 years, I tried to change:
I stopped initiating as much
I stopped over-giving
I tried to match his energy
And yes, he reacted… he became more affectionate.
But I also felt like I wasn’t being myself. Like I had to hold back to keep him.

Now I’m stuck between two thoughts:
One side:
he’s good to me
he never left
maybe I’m asking for something he just can’t give
maybe this is just who he is
Other side:
I don’t feel secure
I don’t feel fully chosen
it’s been 3 years and nothing actually changed

And I don’t know what’s worse:
leaving and regretting it
or staying and slowly losing myself

What I need help with:
Has anyone been in something like this that actually turned into a real relationship?
Or is 3 years already my answer?
Am I in love with him… or addicted to how he makes me feel when he chooses me?
And most importantly…
what would you do if you were me?

I’m not trying to make him look bad. I really don’t think he is.
I just don’t know if I’m holding onto something real…
or something that just feels real sometimes.