Hearing “I wish I had more scars.”

I (20F) have been clean for 6 whole months after a 2 year period of daily self harm. There has been a lot of healing and conversation leading up to the point where I am today. I feel happy, and generally I am in a better headspace than I was 2 years prior. It’s allowed me to open myself up to dating again.

Last night I was with a partner, and there was the inevitable reveal of the scars on my legs. I’ve gotten lots of reactions to my scars before, they’re usually reverent and respectful. But this guy seemed excited. Started talking about how he wished he had more scars himself, and how he thinks they’re sexy and add depth to a person. I was extremely caught off guard because in my head, a normal reaction would be considering the events that led to those scars on my skin.

I don’t even know how to describe how I’m feeling right now. My scars are a sign of the struggle I endured in the past, they’re not something to be glamourised or admired. He wished he had more scars. I can’t imagine ever wanting more scars now that I’m out of that headspace. This isn’t about shame for me, because I’m not ashamed. I did what I felt I had to do to keep going. But something about the whole encounter just didn’t feel right.

I’m so vigilant about protecting my mental health now, I don’t even think I want to talk about it with him again.