I secretly love being a cuck

hi guys so I have a huge hot wife fantasy I secretly want my wife to wear short dresses with her ass out showing I secretly want her to sleep with other men we have sex toys and she’s super into me putting a big dildo up her ass and fucking her with both and honestly it always gets me super hard a couple of years ago when we first started dating I red a couple naughty messages she had with a ex and believe me it made me so hard to imagine her with another guy as I was reading I found out she used to do only fans and it was such a huge turn on and now all i wanna do is watch her get fucked I kinda hit at it sometimes when we talk saying like I want to jerk off and watch you get fucked and when she asks me with the dildo or another guy I chicken out and say with the dildo when really I mean another guy she is extremely sexy to me and idk if you guys can help me find a way to tell her I want her to be a hot wife I mean I have seen her only fan pictures she would send to her ex and omg they were so hot it guys so hard to control this fantasy I have any help on this