I hate my mind.

I occasionally write fanfics as a form of hobby. But lately, I'm so stressed about how the readers would react to it.

I want to have unique fanfiction. But the voices in my head won't shut up, and I feel like they're more about beating me over the head with negative thoughts rather than something useful.

For a bit of context: I have autism and ADHD and I hyperfixate on things I like. Mythologies, kaijus(aka giant monsters), animations, comics, and animes.

I want to write a fanficion that's unique. But I feel like I'm losing my touch on writing motivation. And I feel like when I try to have some form of criticism, I end up feeling demoralized and possibly being a drama king. I try to ignore "haters" (as the public calls them). But I'm trying to see if I can improve my writing.

Some of my works are "What if this deity had this son" or "What if this character has this kaijus blood" and stuff like that. I've mostly been focusing on male characters that all have autism and ADHD but trying to experiment with it.

But I feel like I need to become William Shakespeare in order to actually feel good.

I don't understand why I have these problems. I love writing fanfiction, and yet I feel like I need to do something significant with it in order to make myself "the first person to change the entire fanfiction community and how it's seen."

Please tell me someone has an answer or a diagnosis for what's going on with me.