Struggling with what to feed my newborn

Without going into it I had a traumatic labor and delivery that ultimately resulted in an emergency/unplanned c section. While that in itself is such a crazy hard recovery I had some convocations like hemorrhaging and adverse reaction to pain meds. I had the most beautiful pregnancy and am about 5 days postpartum. I literally cry recalling the events that took place.

I went into this thinking I’d breastfeed not knowing how freaking difficult in every way it would be and how much more difficult my recovery would make it. I’m seriously overwhelmed and got all the painful things people experience with breastfeeding (damaged nipples, aversions to feedings, etc.) IM EXHAUSTED AND IN PAIN. After talking to my pediatrician and a hospital LC they both recommended I pump to maintain my supply and focus on healing my nipples.

I scheduled an appt with a LC next week but I seriously don’t want to go. We’ve been combo feeding with breast and hospital-provided formula in the hospital and first night home and then I started pumping for breast milk when my milk came in (HOLY S*** does engorgement hurt adding to more pain) and formula as well. I’ve been pumping every 2-3 hours and I’m about to have a mental breakdown with the cleaning of parts etc. initially it wasn’t bad as I was using the medela hand pump and really liked it but it literally doesn’t work second day. I have the baby Buddha 2.0 which is a great pump but it’s like the time it takes me to wash all the parts I am getting ready for another session it seems.

The thought of exclusively formula feeding makes me giddy and provides so much relief for so many reasons. First I still cant get up and down without being helped and have yet to sleep in my own bed as I’m on a couch since it’s easier for me to get up since I have to so often. My husband is incredible and doing all he can to help and jump in for anything but I just don’t know if I can do this anymore and I’m not even a week in.

I seriously don’t mind the wakings for feedings, changes, etc. it’s the physical and emotional labor.

Also the hospital provided us with ready to use similac 360 and I would love thoughts on this or other formulas. My baby seems to do well with it. My biggest concern is the possibility of heavy metal exposure or what it would mean to switch formulas/trial and error on his little body. But also my contamination OCD brain mixed with my mobility limitations with cleaning my pump is killing me.

This is a lot but seriously any advice is appreciated.